All around me was bedlam. People shouting, children screaming, loud crashing sounds, it all echoed inside my head. I frantically looked around. I couldn’t see anything darkness surrounded me. I couldn’t remember what had caused this entire outcry. I could feel my heart pounding and blood pulsing in my head. I could feel panic arising. My breath started panting through my open mouth. There was something wrong with me. I am blind. I must have been in an accident. It felt as if my heart would burst through my rib cage it was pounding so hard.
Why was I still lying here? Why wasn’t anyone helping me? I tried to move my arms but it was as if my arms had disappeared. When I tried to cry out no voice emerged. My head was throbbing, pounding so hard I felt as if it was going to explode. I’m blind and I am paralysed, I may even be dying. Through my open mouth I could feel my breath puff across my lips. This let me know I wasn’t dead.
Why was nobody attending to me? Someone shut up that child, its scream is drilling through my forehead. People were still shouting and machines beeping and phones ringing. I tried to slow down my breath. I thought about breathing when meditating, how to slow my breathing down, I could do this. Breath began to flow between my lips instead of bursting out leaving me empty. I continued to focus on my breathing in through the left nostril, hold then slowly out through the right nostril repeat, then change. I visualised holding my nostril shut with my thumb and little finger, listening to the voice of my yoga instructor, blocking out the cacophony of noises.
How long would I have to wait until someone came to help me? I kept working on my breathing. I found the frantic beating of my heart had slowed down which in turn reduced the pounding in my head a little. I heard a voice “How can I help you. “ I wanted to answer then I noticed someone else was answering. I could hear words. “One ticket please.” I could now feel my legs and I found I was standing. There were people around me, the child was still screaming, phones were ringing, whistles sounding. The sounds around me started to separate into their own shape.
I felt myself take a step forward. I continued to focus on my breath, I could now feel my hands tingling, and blurry shape floated into my vision. My head was still pounding as if it would burst apart into a thousand pieces. I discovered I was in line to get a train ticket, that explained the noises. I was heading home from work, head ache, blackout, migraine. Step up to the counter “One ticket please”
.
Take a pill from my bag and dry swallow and wait for the train, head pounding, holding it together until I could get home and shut myself away from the outside world.
